You’ve been struggling with #identity for a long time. You’re the black sheep. The reject. You became a people pleaser. But the people you surround yourself with cannot be pleased. Just because it’s you; they will never be happy with anything you say or do. You move forward with a smile because life is not the same when you do it all by yourself. You always see the best in others no matter how badly they treat you.
You #encourage others when all they do is put you down. You’ve supported others when no one would support you. They don’t even offer a sincere cheer saying, “Way to go!” They only supported or encouraged you enough for you not to let them go. They didn’t want you to notice their bad behavior. So they covered it up. You eventually saw it but not until much later. Yet, you still see the best in them.
You haven’t felt like you fit in anywhere. Just know that you were never supposed to. They stomped all over your #boundaries. But to say something would mean to lose someone close. They saw everything next to you as a competition when you didn’t even know there was one.
You tried fitting in. But there was always someone pushing you out. Most of the time it was the people closest to you. Or at the very least, they never stood up for you. That’s basically the same thing. And when you were pushed too far out of a group you tried another one. Only to have the same thing happen.
You didn’t realize it then but you do now. They tried to step on your light. Or dim it just enough that it doesn’t shine over them. Your light naturally shines so bright without even trying. Their light, however, had to push others out of the way to shine.
God only allowed you to not notice because He was giving them a chance to be better. He wasn’t punishing you. He was letting your presence determine the #direction and path they must go in their life. And He was giving them a chance to take their struggles to Him.
God was showing them what needed #healing. Their heart and response was not where God needed it. And because of that they now have to take a detour to get to their promised land. Think of the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years. That was the detour to their promise. Their heart was not in the right posture. And only two people that left Egypt got to see that promise come to light.
They envied you when you looked up to them. All you wanted to do is be in their life. But life has a way of removing those that weigh us down. You thought no one saw you. The truth is, they see your light. They see how you stand after all life throws at you. They see you smile with or without them. They saw when they didn’t want to. Because all they wanted to see was themselves in the best light. Or at the very least they wanted their light to be better than yours. But it was never a #competition for you.
When you were next to them. All they saw is how dark they were. They didn’t want to see that anymore. So they tried tactics like manipulating the situation. Or convincing you to go in other directions that you knew were not the the right ones for you. They smeared your name and gossiped about you to others. They tried to #control you in every way possible. They judged you for the same things they did. It didn’t start out that way which is why you didn’t see it at first.
You stopped playing their games. You stopped stroking their egos. You put distance between you and them. When they asked for you to join their #circus you politely declined. They started noticing a change in you. You are now more healed than them. Your light is shining way brighter now. And no matter how much they try, they cannot dim it any longer. Not even by a little bit.
They didn’t want to own up to how dark their heart was/is towards you. So they cast you aside and blamed everything on you. They didn’t want to confront their #unforgiveness. They didn’t want to confront their bad behaviors. They haven’t even forgiven their past traumas that had nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, that sets the ground for present and #future relationships in their life. In their current state, they have to make up new offences about you so that they can stay offended.
When they get stressed or mad they treat the people around them poorly. You were often their punching bag. When you started shining they would try and redirect you to something that was away from your God directed path.
They would also say some back handed comments to make you think you were doing something wrong or not humble enough . If someone noticed you in a #positive light, they would say that “you are acting too good” or that “it’s not a competition”.
They were right. It is not a competition. But what they were saying is; “I need you to dull your shine because it’s better than mine”. They were the one competing with you. Not the other way around. They didn’t want to admit that. And having you around was a reminder to them. What they don’t realize is that your light makes them better. They are holding themselves back from shining bright too. There is more than enough room for everyone to shine. The more light the better.
They don’t want to address the things in their heart that keep them from healing because it’s just too painful digging up past things and letting God do surgery on their heart. So they cast you out as the evil one. You shine so bright they can no longer compete. Your identity is slowly being put back together. Your voice is getting stronger. Your light, even though it was #bright before, is only getting brighter. You are learning to stand on God’s word & not the word of man.
You understand that people will let you down. But with God all things are possible. You are battle weary but God strengthened you in the midst of the battle. You’ve learned your authority in Christ. Your identity is in Him alone. You’ve learned that God is right there with you through it all. It was just so hard to hear before because other voices were screaming more loudly.
“Look at me instead! Look at me! I’m blessed! I’m better! Don’t look to them. They are nothing. And you are nothing without me!” They were basically trying to distract you and keep you from looking towards God. That may never have been their intent but the devil uses their dark #heart and that is what winds up happening.
When you looked to them, you spiraled into more #confusion. You looked towards them and valued their opinions because you cared for them. And you still do. Your love for them never went away. It’s just now at a distance. Their voice was louder so it seemed natural. They were wise in your eyes. It was only because you hadn’t quite understood that God is wiser. And His voice is softer.
Don’t get me wrong. It can be very mighty and strong, but with you, He doesn’t add weight to His voice. Now you understand He approaches you with a more gentle voice. Like a father would greet his loved ones versus a stranger with ill intent towards them or their family. When God’s voice is soft it means that you and Him are close in relation and proximity. He also whispers because He wants to know who is listening. With shouting everyone hears. But whispers are more #intimate.
You normally yell at people across the room or people you don’t like. You don’t yell at someone close. He whispers because He doesn’t want to yell at you. And if you can’t hear His voice it’s time for you to move (take action) and get closer to Him. He’s waiting on you to get on board and listen.
You understand now that they left when God intended them to. It was a #blessing in disguise. They tried to trap or trick you into feeling guilty. God showed you their heart and intentions. But it was only when their season in your life had ended.
Your heart is so pure that even though you have discernment, the heart overlooks their faults. They know you’ve always approached everything without #judgements. But they continue to blame you. They continue to put you on the back burner. They step on your boundaries. Because they cannot get over “self”. They don’t realize yet that you’ve already died to “self”. And that’s exactly what Jesus asked us to do.
It’s not you they are blaming. It’s themselves. You are just the fall guy so their #ego can continue on the same path without fault. They know they did you dirty. But they cannot own up to that. That’s why they pushed you aside.
It’s just easier for them to move on without you there. Hopefully they are healing. I pray that they are. You were definitely confused because this is not the first time this has happened. It never got easier. But you did get wiser and you gained understanding with each situation.
Your identity is filling out and your purpose is unfolding. You are learning how to set the right boundaries. And loving those that cannot #honor your boundaries from a distance. You will no longer be tied to other people who weigh you down and treat you like an unwanted side-kick. You are the head and not the tail. The Lord has blessed you and you are now ready for the upcoming #seasons of overflow. Your tribe is coming. You will soon realize why you never fit in.
All those that did you wrong in the past do not have a place to sit at your table. God showed you who shouldn’t be there so He could bring the right ones in at the right time. Your future is coming with a Yes and Amen! You passed the #trials & tests with flying colors. And you will bring healing to others. Your destiny is coming in Jesus name Amen!
gitgfaith 